Arizona Passes Law Banning Ethnic Studies Courses

Dear Arizona Governor Jan Brewer,

I was writing you a critical letter about the bill you just signed prohibiting ethnic studies courses in Arizona public schools. I danced around racism, threw in some alliterations, even made a Mein Kampf reference, but no matter what I wrote, I still wasn’t conveying what I really felt. I couldn’t wrap enough reason in it. There was an infinite amount of logic (something that apparently can’t be found in the Arizona government). But I was really making a simple thing complicated.

Arizona bans ethnic studies...Seriously. >

I love my mother…sent her a Mother’s Day card and made sure to call. She’s a great woman. Looks amazing in red. Like, flamenco dancer red. I have two sisters. Love them to death, also. Even though none of them ever specifically taught me this lesson, my innate respect for women has stricken the b word from my vocabulary. Well, in most forms.

I still say that some ideas, concepts, or inanimate objects are, or can be, a “b” word. I still use it as a verb. One can “b” or be accused of “b”-ing.  I’ve been “b”ed at, and had days that were really a “b”. I’ve made a pun by using the “b” word in its true meaning, referring to a female canine species. But I’ll be doggone if I’ve never used it in reference to a policitian and his or her administration. With that, I say with all sincerity, honesty, truth, disdain, disrespect and condescension. Jan,

YOU'RE A BITCH.

Puta. Perra. Estupida.  Ignorante. The worst kind.

Yours Truly,

Me

P.S. Barack, can you believe this bitch? Not teaching ethnic studies?! Is she eyeing the Republican VP nomination in 2012? She makes your jumper look good.

Stay Tuned...

I know that the Phoenix Suns wore their "Los Suns" jerseys in protest. I have an opinion on that, too. It's coming soon.

Arizona Law Isn't Pointless, just un-"reasonable"

Dear President Obama,

I know you still running form that good ol’ southern a**-whoopin I’d give you on the court. You sneaked into and out of L.A. and never told me anything. That was a b***h move, Barack. But that’s not the issue right now. Been to Arizona lately? To just read my new opinion, jump down to the red bold "That's".

Man, it’s some stuff going on there, isn’t it? These people have passed a law that reads:

For any “lawful contact” made by law enforcement officials [what the hell does that mean? If there is a police officer involved, doesn’t that make it lawful? The only unlawful contact I can think of, R. Kelly got off. Pun intended…give me some credit here] “where a reasonable suspicion exists that a person is an alien” [what’s “reasonable”? The governor says that’s at the officer’s discretion…more on that later] “a reasonable attempt shall be made, when practicable, to determine the immigration status of the person.” [there’s that word “reasonable” again].

So many conservatives can’t understand why people are up in arms. Liberals are jumping too far to the left and thinking that Mexicans are about to start being jailed for not having two forms of identification. Both sides are wrong, but that should be okay because neither of them completely approves of the job you’re doing—which tells me you’re probably doing it right.

When looking solely at the letter of the law, the flaw is its gray area. I don’t know what qualifies as “lawful contact.” If I’m walking my imaginary dog and strike up a conversation with a passing officer…that’s lawful, right? If I don’t strike up a conversation, will I create “reasonable suspicion”?

When a television reporter asked Arizona Governor Jan Brewer to define “reasonable suspicion,” she passed on the opportunity, citing that that’s up to the officers on the street, saying they make decisions like that every day. That, she’s right about. Now let’s look at their track record.

In 2008, the ACLU of Arizona released the results of two years of research on the Arizona Department of Public Safety and racial profiling. The results, titled “Driving While Black or Brown”, concluded:

African Americans and Hispanics stopped by DPS officers were more likely than whites to be searched on major highways
 
On average, Native Americans stopped by DPS officers were 3.25 times more likely to be searched than whites stopped by DPS officers. African Americans and Hispanics were each 2.5 times more likely than whites to be searched by DPS.

Higher search rates for minorities were not justified by higher rates of transporting contraband.

Minorities, including African Americans, Hispanics and Middle Easterners, were consistently stopped for longer periods of time than whites traveling on all interstate highways in Arizona.

In sum, this report concludes that DPS officers treated persons from different racial and ethnic groups unequally between July 2006 and June 2007. Minorities were more likely than whites to be searched and stopped for longer periods of time. This unequal treatment was not justified by higher contraband seizure rates from minority motorists.

These are the results of a study on the same officers who will be using “reasonable suspicion” as a reason to ask someone to furnish proof of legal presence. Somehow, I just don’t trust it. And I don’t trust them to make a “reasonable attempt” to determine immigration status anymore than I trust that officers in the Rodney King beating used “reasonable force”.

Leaving police to decide what is “reasonable” will lead to injustice. Even if 95% of police officers are completely great people armed with nothing more than badges, halos and good intentions, seeking to protect the people, all it takes is that remaining 5% to make legal U.S. residents, citizens and visitors feel unequal or uncomfortable.

That’s the letter of the law. The spirit of the law has purpose. Illegal immigration is a problem for the southwestern states and there needs to be an effort to secure our borders. That’s where you come in, Chief. But that’s not the end of your role.

Immigration regulation and enforcement is a responsibility of the federal government, not a state right. I’ve seen that you have called for your administration to find a way to block the Arizona law. Thanks. But they shouldn’t have to look long. There’s your loophole. If this goes to the Supreme Court, the state of Arizona will lose. If immigration regulation was a state right, imagine the chaos it would create.

If Arizona keeps and enacts this law, what does that mean for the neighboring states of Nevada, California, New Mexico and even Texas? More immigrants — both legal and illegal. That would force those states to consider similar regulations or face substantial strains on their local governments, economies, and populations. That’s not fair to those states. So the federal government (that’s you) has to step in and make things level again which, in this case, clearly means killing the new law.

I sympathize with every Mexican American in Arizona. I wouldn’t want to be the test subject when one antiquated cop takes my presence as an opportunity to establish his definition of the term “reasonable.”

So the ball’s in your court, Air Force None. Shut ‘em down. Wait, if you can’t do that to me on the court, I’m sure you couldn’t do it to a whole state.

In order to maintain order in the Southwest and protect the rights and quality of life of individuals who have come to this country legally to build a better life, or were born within these borders just like you or I, do to the Arizona government one of the things you do best:

Smoke ‘em, Barack.