David Stern Playoff Conference Call

Dear Commissioner Stern,

I caught your call today. Let's go over some of the things you said:

• Scoring in the league is as high as it's been since 1994.

• You don't expect the Nuggets to be sold.

• The Bradley Center, where the Bucks play, is on its last leg. But the Bucks shouldn't think about that yet because they need to find a way to fill it up before they should have that conversation.

• Local ownership is helpful and constructive, but not necessary for success.

• You like what's going on in and with Oklahoma City, including the arena plans.

• You think you're going to have a discussion with owners about sitting star players in meaningless games.

• You'll be talking to the Bulls about what happened with their coach and GM to get an understanding about the incident, and the league has a past of taking some kind disciplinary action, but you need more understanding.

• Are executives held to the same standard as the players? At LEAST as high.

• Teams and owners are on their way to spending the league into oblivion. We need a better business model and we'll address it in the CBA.

• You're hoping the leagues' and teams' financial losses will not be as high as projected, but the salary cap will probably drop. Teams have been resourceful enough that it's possible the losses will not be as large as projected.

Corporate water cooler laugh. The End.

So now it's time to ask the questions I really want to know the answers to:

• Have you picked this year's championship winner yet? I'm only 90% sure that you don't know, and that 10% — we'll call it the Donaghy Ten — has always worried me when I see preferential treatment in officiating. What are you doing to make sure Jamal Crawford will be treated the same as Kobe Bryant in the eyes of the referees?

• The league is watered down. There are too many teams, not enough players, and some cities that just shouldn't have a team, do. Would the league ever contract — for the benefit of the remaining owners and the quality of the game?

• Why do I think it's watered down? Look at the coming off-season. There will be many teams with a lot of cap room, but not enough players to spend that money on. Every season, some role players on good-to-great teams get signed to big (bad) contracts by teams who need to appease a fanbase. As a result, one team is 2 wins better, and the other team is left half playing a lower level of basketball. See: Posey, James and Turkoglu, Hedo.

• Do you think an NBA team will ever win a World Championship WITHOUT paying a luxury tax? As you know, that's related to the above issue. Ask me how. If a team doesn't win without paying the tax, will the tax ever be raised? Or is the tax less of a punishment and more of a league revenue generator? I know that the money is pooled and redistributed to the teams who didn't pay a tax, but doesn't that encourage mediocrity just as much as it does financial responsibility?

• And, finally, who do you think would win a game of 1-on-1 between myself and Brick Obama?

We all know the answer to that one Mr. Stern...no need to belabor the point. I'm you and he's Bud Selig. I'm Kobe and he's Jamal Crawford. I just called myself Kobe...I have to end this letter while I work on my seemingly dropping self-esteem.