I'm Calling You Out, Mr. President

Dear Barack Obama, I hear you're an avid basketball player. The bowling alley in the White House has been replaced by a basketball court that only a select few will ever see. I want to be one of the few. The proud. The White House ballers.

When you’re the Head of State it’s got to be easy to play. No one’s going to rough you up or intentionally foul you. Not with the Secret Service sitting over there. No one’s going to pick you last or run it back when you got next. When you’re the Prez, you can always run it back because it’s your court.

But screw all that. I. Want. You. Barack. 1-on-1. Man-to-man. Constituent-to-representative. You might have an advantage in the Oval Office or on the campaign trail, but when you step inside of the 94-foot box, you are the underdog. You're underprivileged. You are the tired, the poor, the huddled mass ready to suffer defeat. This is a challenge.

This challenge is representative of something greater. I challenge you, President Obama, to meet the demands of the office. To satisfy the needs of the people and be able to distinguish them from the wants of a party. I challenge you to rise above the criticism of left and right wings and do what you feel is right.

I challenge you to meet me, a young black man, at center court. To shake my hand and tell me that after you finish your high-stakes game, I’ll be able to take you on. To surpass your feats because the magnitudes of your accomplishments taught an entire nation that ethnicity is not a measuring stick by which one’s potential can be gauged. I challenge you, President Obama, to be able to hand me the ball having made the game easier for me because you played it so well.

So, yes, I’m very Pro-bama. But when the time comes, it’s me and you, Mr. President. And I got next.

Now, random trash-talking from the constituent who’s going to break the First Ankles. A shot for every year I hope you're in office:

1. Boy, I’m glad we vote in this country, because if Obama woulda had to shoot for it, McCain would be in office, stiff shoulder and all. You know white people can shoot free throws.

2. The last time Barack made a jumper, Michelle was wearing legwarmers and a Salt-N-Pepa weave.

3. Call me “The Republican” because I’m about to block EVERYTHING.

4. Barack’s crossover is so slow I thought it went through Congress.

5. Barack’s game is so ugly we nicknamed it “Precious.”

6. How bad is Obama’s defense? The last thing Sarah Palin ever said to him was “You got Levi.”

7. When Barack got elected it changed the whole system. Instead of “checks and balances” it became “self-checks and balances.”

8. Obama doesn’t get “and 1s”. He gets “minus 1s”.